Published to Reddit‘s popular r/AmITheA**hole forum, a woman under the username u/brokenpromiseaita shared her story to let the followers of “AITA” decide if she was in the wrong. The popular post has 3,000 upvotes and 1,000 comments.
The Redditor began her post by explaining that she and her husband are very career-oriented people with goals they want to achieve in their line of work. Roughly eight years ago, the original poster (OP) unexpectedly became pregnant and her husband lost her job due to the company he worked for filing for bankruptcy. The couple came to a mutual agreement that her husband will be a stay-at-home dad while the OP continued to work. In the future, he planned to go back into the workforce.
About four years later, she got pregnant again unexpectedly. When the pandemic hit, it was harder on her husband than it was on her as he was at home with the two kids. Over the years, she has received many promotions, and is generally a success at work.
Due to COVID-19, many found it difficult to work during the pandemic. In July of 2020, within one month, 31 million people claimed to be out of work due to the closures of businesses, via the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics.
She wrote, “A few weeks ago I received a job offer from a different company that would be another big jump for me. However, it would require relocating to a different state. I excitedly brought this up to my husband but he wasn’t happy for me.”
“He asked what that would mean for him going back to work and I told him that it would take some time for us to get assimilated to the area and for me to get accustomed to the new job as it would probably be higher stress than what I am doing now, but with much higher pay and benefits. I told him that we could discuss him going back to work in maybe a year or so after we move,” she continued.
He ranted to her about being tired of staying at home with their children and was jealous of her successes in her career. He called her “selfish” as he hasn’t been able to achieve his goals in his career and has to put her and the children ahead of his dreams.
She explained, “I told him that him being a SAHD doesn’t have to be permanent and this is just another huge step for us as a family. He cut me off and said ‘No, it’s a huge step for YOU. For the rest of us it’s just moving.’ I told him that was unfair and he said the unfair thing was me breaking promises I made to him. I told him that was years ago and things have changed.”
She also added that she believes it will be hard for him to find a good job with a four-year gap in his resume. However, she does think that her new job would bring more opportunities.
“I work very hard to support my family on a single income,” u/brokenpromisesaita told Newsweek, “I know my husband works just as hard raising our kids. I know that is a job and role that he did not ask for or dream of and I am forever thankful that he has dived in head first into the role and done an amazing job. At the same time, I also feel like moving a family for a husband’s job is something that wives and mothers have been expected to do for decades.”
She continued: “The main reason this is a such a problem to my husband is that it’s for my job and not his. No, this isn’t the life he envisioned and I do understand how hard that is for him. But we have two wonderful and happy kids and we have the chance to provide them opportunities that neither of us could have imagined a decade ago.”
The followers of the “AITA” forum were quick to comment.
“[You’re the A**hole] for your whole attitude. You should now be as supportive if him as he has been of you. ‘We’ do not have a pretty good life now, you do. Your husband is unhappy and you are marginalizing him in his own family. If you want to move, start actively supporting him in his job search and start interviewing nannies in the new location; stop acting like a 1950s man,” u/nannylive received the top comment with over 12,000 upvotes.
“[You’re the A**hole]. Are you serious? For the benefit of your career and family, your husband has sacrificed every career goal he had for EIGHT years and now you expect him to uproot the life he’s created and maintained for you and your kids so you can just climb and climb and climb on his back while he never gets to do anything he wants? This is so insanely selfish I can barely even read it,” u/Significant-Ad-9758 exclaimed.
“[You’re the A**hole]. Your husband deserves to be happy too. With both of you bringing in income, you should be able to afford childcare, and you can split the chores. There’s no reason your husband shouldn’t be allowed to work if that’s what he desires,” u/TinyRascalSaurus commented.
“[You’re the A**hole] and incredibly selfish. You need to find another arrangement for childcare. Pay for a daycare. There are lots of couples out there with two working partners,” u/SaikaTheCasual explained.
Update 6/1/2022, 10 p.m.: This article has been updated to include comment from the original poster.